The Black and Blue Man is still coming around

Posted on 24 December 2010 by blackandblueman

I apologise to all my readers for my recent extended absence.

Don’t worry – there’s been no major calamity or emergency in my life. I am still here in one piece and living with depression one day at a time at one hour at a time.

During the past few weeks, though, there had been several other things taking up my time.

Now, though, I have just begun four weeks of leave, so I will be using some of that to make up for lost posts.

Thank you very much for coming here.

Until next time, stay well and take care 🙂

Posted in Inspiration, Life is Good, My Story | Leave a comment

Eat one sultana for 10 minutes and see me next week (Part Two)

Posted on 4 December 2010 by blackandblueman

Author’s note about the following post:

  • it won’t make any sense unless you read my previous post
  • it is not endorsed or in any other way associated with Sunbeam Foods – I merely chose the above picture as an example in case anyone about to read the following post is wondering what the heck a sultana is.

Thursday, 2 December 2010, shortly after midnight.

I sat at my desk in my apartment, the only sound coming from the two fans I had running to keep my place cool. Not only was the busy alley a few floors down unusually quiet, but even my lead-footed neighbour upstairs wasn’t making any noise at all.

It was time.

I’d just read an online article about the experiment I was about to perform. It had been interesting reading and (pun unintended) food for thought – especially as it had talked about consuming one (1) sultana for five (5) minutes instead of the ten (10) minutes that my psychiatrist has suggested. So, I’d decided to go with the shorter option.

I opened one of the half-dozen small boxes of sultanas I’d bought a few hours before at a local supermarket (they hadn’t sold the boxes individually).

I took one (1) sultana out of the box and spent a moment rolling it around slowly between a few of my right fingertips. The sultana’s skin was coarse and ridged just as I remembered how it should feel, and when I gave the sultana a gentle squeeze its body was also soft like I recalled.

I looked at the clock on my PC.

12:07am.

I put the sultana in my mouth, turned my chair away from my PC so I wouldn’t be tempted to go surfing or keep checking the time, stared at the back of the nearby door to my apartment, and began chewing the sultana carefully and slowly.

I was surprised at the harsh tastelessness of the sultana’s skin.

I looked at the back of the door, and two nearby walls.

I moved the sultana around within my mouth, and inside my teeth so it wouldn’t go up the back inside my cheek, possibly become stuck, and thus become an annoyance and ruin the experiment. As well, I kept the sultana away from the back of my tongue, to prevent an accidental swallow.

About a minute or so passed, I think.

I finally bit into the sultana, and was pleased when the sweetness of its centre entered my mouth.

I kept moving the sultana around upon the tip of my tongue, which I had determined was the best place to keep it.

I continued to look at my door and the nearby walls, and noticed finer details I hadn’t seen before like dents in the wall and textures in the paint. I also glanced a few times at a nearby stack of boxes in the kitchen and saw text that had previously escaped my non-attention.

The sultana began disintegrating into separate pieces. I chewed even more carefully.

How long had I been consuming the sultana now? It felt like a few minutes, at least.

I continued looking at my door and walls.

By now, the sweetness from the sultana had completely disappeared and only that harsh tastelessness from the skin remained. That was very disappointing, but I kept on consuming, carefully and slowly.

Surely five minutes was up by now? No, continue for a little big longer, just in case.

Despite the ugly taste in my mouth, I now felt very calm and contemplative. It reminded me a lot of the evening late in 2002, one of the crappiest years in my life, when I’d done a short personal-development course, did Transcendental Meditation (TM) for the first time and was amazed by how powerfully calming it had been (alas, each following attempt at TM was never as memorable as that first time, and six frustrating months later I gave it up).

Time to stop? No, just a little bit longer…

The sultana was now a few tiny fragments that the tip of my tongue was almost juggling to keep in my mouth.

Finally, I wanted to stop.

I swallowed those last tiny fragments and turned back to my PC’s clock.

12:12am.

Exactly five minutes.

It had been a very interesting experience, indeed.

And with an unintended side effect, thanks to my dismay at that harsh tastelessness of a sultana’s skin that’s been in your mouth for most of five (5) minutes.

For the next twenty (20) minutes, as I typed the notes that would help me to later write this post that you’re reading now, I tipped regular small mouthfuls of sultanas into my mouth from the box I’d opened, and with each mouthful I bit down hard on all sultanas simultaneously so their sweetness would explode together as one big juicy burst.

They tasted wonderful.

Until next time, stay well and take care 🙂

Posted in Life Challenges, Life Strategies, My Story | Leave a comment

Eat one sultana for 10 minutes and see me next week (Part One)

Posted on 28 November 2010 by blackandblueman

Author’s note – the following post is not endorsed or in any other way associated with Sunbeam Foods. I merely chose the above picture as an example in case anyone about to read the following post is wondering what the heck a sultana is.

We all have our pet peeves, and one of mine is people in the street who don’t pay attention to where they’re going.

Like the group too engrossed in their conversation and taking up the entire width of a footpath as they move along at a snail’s pace.

Or the person ahead of you, or coming towards you, with their head down while they focus on their smartphone instead of the route ahead.

Or the other person – or sometimes the same person – lost in the music blaring through their headphones.

I’ve even encountered someone who was exiting a lift I needed to get into…but because they were too engrossed in the newspaper they were reading, they took forever to get out (I almost tore the newspaper out of their hands and yelled at them to “MOVE IT!”) (Sometimes, I still wish I had).

As a result, I always try to ensure that I never behave like that. When I walk, I walk in the Now – I focus on where I’m going to ensure that I don’t get in anyone’s way and that no one gets in mine.

Sometimes, though, I take this too far.

This is not a new problem. About ten years ago, I went to visit friends in another city. I caught the train to where they lived, did some shopping, crossed the busy main road at some traffic lights and walked to their place – where they greeted me with a puzzled query about why hadn’t I noticed them only a few minutes before, in their car right next to the crossing I’d used, where not only had they called out to me several times in vain, but also a fellow motorist in the car beside them with his window down commented that mentally I was very far away. I honestly hadn’t noticed them at all.

Back to the present. Last week, I had left my weekly appointment with my psychiatrist and gone to the railway station near his practice to travel into the city. It’s a busy station and I was keen to get to the next train, get into the city and get several things done, so I focused on getting in there as quickly as possible without anyone getting in my way and vice versa…

…but a couple of hours later when I logged into Facebook, I found a message from a friend who had also been at the station at the same time, who not only had called out to me a few times as I went past but was also wondering if I was pretending to ignore her so I could turn around a moment later and spring “Fooled you!” on her. I hadn’t, though, because yet again I honestly hadn’t noticed her at all.

A week later at my next session with the psychiatrist, I told him about that incident (and that other one from my past) as a humorous observation about how I need to become more aware of my surroundings.

He agreed – and then he proposed an interesting experiment for how to do this.

He was inspired by the previous episode of the current TV series Making Australia Happy, in which eight volunteers undergo various experiments related to the science of positive psychology to improve their happiness and well-being.

The experiment from the show that my psychiatrist suggested is as follows:

  1. Take one (1) sultana (not a whole box as shown in the example above)
  2. Spend a moment looking at the sultana in my hand and rolling it around to feel its texture
  3. Put the sultana in my mouth and spend ten (10) minutes slowly chewing on it and rolling it around in my mouth before finally swallowing it

What?!?

Although my psychiatrist was smiling as he told me about it, he was dead serious. When I asked him what was the point of all that, he explained that it’s an exercise designed to help you become more aware of your surroundings – as you spend all that time slowly chewing on the sultana and rolling it around in your mouth, you also start to take more notice of what you see and hear all around you.

At first, I was incredulous…but then I thought about it, and I became intrigued.

So, I said that I’d give it a try some time during the next week, and at our next session I’d report to him about the outcome.

I’ll also report my findings here, so unless something else of burning importance happens first, the next post you should read here will be about what it was like consuming one (1) sultana for ten (10) minutes.

Until the next installment in this exciting series, stay well and take care 🙂

Posted in Life Challenges, Life Strategies, My Story | 2 Comments

One does not simply walk into Ku-ring-gai

Posted on 20 November 2010 by blackandblueman

Last weekend, I did something that I hadn’t done in a very long time, at least since my teens 20-odd years ago.

I went on a picnic.

For most of my life, I haven’t been much of an outdoors person because I’ve mostly preferred indoors activities like video games and surfing the internet, or doing other favourite activities like reading inside.

As well, although I have attended many backyard BBQs over the years, for a long time I’ve moved in social circles that didn’t do picnics.

Also, the idea of picnicking on my own never occurred to me. Along with being more of an indoors person, picnicking seemed like too much hassle:

  • traveling a great distance to a suitable location
  • lugging all the stuff that I need to enjoy myself (and being obsessive-compulsive, there is always the temptation to take too many things that you “may” need “just in case”)
  • being able to leave my stuff on its own while I went somewhere else like the toilet

A few weeks ago, however, a friend and her two sisters announced that, in joint celebration of their birthdays this year, they were hosting a picnic at Ku-ring-gai Chase National Park to the north of Sydney on Saturday 13 November. My friend kindly invited me and I accepted.

And as the last few weeks passed and the big day drew closer, I increasingly looked forward to the picnic for several reasons.

First, similar to what I have previously mentioned about rediscovering the joys of visiting model-railway exhibitions, it was an opportunity to get out of the home for a day.

Second, it was a social occasion, which I’ve come to enjoy more and more during the past few years – especially as I’ve learned to become less uptight, and more confident and relaxed.

Third, it was something very different from my usual routines, and something new worth trying.

Fourth, the working week leading up to the 13th had been mentally grueling, with most of my time spent reformatting a nightmare of a document that had been almost 300 pages long. I did get it finished, but it had been very draining – and therefore served as very good inspiration to get outside for a while.

Finally, a picnic in a location that was considerable distance from where I lived and not easily accessible by someone like me who doesn’t have their own transport presented a series of interesting challenges (not problems – challenges):

  • How would I get there and back?
  • What can and should I take?
  • What would I do when I got there, especially as I would know only my friend and perhaps a few others?

I planned what to take, and how to get there and back. I seriously considered getting off at a railway station that was a few kilometres from the picnic site and walking the rest of the way, but a few days before the 13th my friend advised that instead I should get off at a station close to her place and get a lift with her into the park. I accepted.

Later that same day, I mentioned to another friend about my initial plan to walk into Ku-ring-gai, and he immediately recommended that I didn’t – because he’d previously ridden a bicycle along the route I’d planned to walk and he’d found it very grueling.

At long last, Saturday 13 November arrived – and best of all, unlike the recent shitty weather that had driven me nuts, outside it looked like a spectacular day indeed for a picnic.

I had breakfast, spent half an hour packing, showered and shaved, and headed out.

About an hour later after a train-trip to Sydney’s far north, one of my friend’s sisters picked me up from the station and we drove for another 10 minutes or so into Ku-ring-gai to where my friend and her other sister had already set up camp.

It was just after 11am.

I unloaded all of my stuff from the car, lugged it over to the picnic site and unpacked.

Thanks to my big-arse backpack and the medium-large trolley bag that I use for both travel and grocery-shopping, the only thing I hadn’t been able to bring from my original plan was a spare set of clothes “just in case” – but I had been able to easily bring other stuff like:

  • two mini-Eskys (coolers) filled with food, drinks and condiments
  • a supermarket grocery-cooler bag filled with odds ‘n’ ends like a roll of paper towels and a roll of plastic garbage bags
  • cutlery and utensils, including two large IKEA bowls for making salads in
  • two big picnic blankets (one was a spare “just in case”)
  • a pair of thongs (flip-flops, not underwear) so I could take off my Colorado boots and let my feet enjoy the sun
  • my laptop with batteries and a charger “just in case” for some NaNoWriMo writing

As I mentioned earlier, an obsessive-compulsive can never pack enough.

A few minutes later, everything was in order and in its right place.

I began talking with my friend and her sisters, and I did something else that I hadn’t done for a long, long time – lie on a blanket, look up at a beautiful clear sky and not want to move at all.

Other picnickers arrived, introductions were made and all sorts of conversations began.

I began making steady progress through the mini-Esky that was filled with cans of Pepsi Light.

Plates of nibblies started making the rounds of the growing number of blankets that were being laid out, and I provided my spare blanket to one of my friend’s sisters – so it was good that I had brought it “just in case”.

We kept a watchful eye on a nearby pair of BBQs that was attracting more and more attention from the growing number of other picnicking parties settling in all around us.

It was a stinking hot day but we had good shade from nearby trees and a cliff.

Time passed, and I remembered my Eckhart Tolle and enjoyed every moment.

Finally, we decided to make a grab for one of the BBQs. Four of us went over, secured the position and began cooking.

The heavenly aromas of BBQing sausages, steaks and onions filled the air. I didn’t do any of the cooking, but with some of my odds ‘n’ ends I provided valuable support on garbage detail.

Half an hour later, we lugged our fud back to camp where several bowls of salad had been laid out.

With my IKEA bowls, I quickly made up a bowl of regular coleslaw and a bowl of Bombay Coleslaw (mix regular coleslaw with curry powder and a diced Granny Smith apple).

We sat, and ate, and drank, and talked, and got sleepy, and laid down, and continued to talk.

More time passed, and some folks said goodbye and headed off.

A sudden threat of rain (for crying out loud!) spurred us to do a clean-up – but fortunately there was only a brief spatter of rain, and now that we had cleaned up we didn’t have to worry about it later and so we settled back in and relaxed even more.

Eventually, after more time passed and more people went, there were four of us left – myself, my friend and two of her friends. We continued to talk as I lay on my blanket again with my hat over my face to keep the sun out of my eyes.

I had brought sunscreen, but earlier I had decided not to use it because I wanted to get a little sunburnt to put some colour and life into my pale skin. Now, I saw red on my forearms and legs, felt heat from my limbs and face, and smiled.

Someone looked at the time – and I was amazed to hear that it was just after 5pm. Six hours had gone by?!?

Finally, we decided to call it a day.

My friend and I said goodbye to her friends, and she kindly drove me back to the station.

I bought a large Coke Zero and a bottle of chilled water, and about fifteen minutes later I boarded the next train back into the city.

As I headed home with my gear piled beside me, I alternated between the Coke Zero and water and felt exhausted, sunburnt, in need of a long hot shower, and – most importantly of all – very happy.

It had been a great picnic indeed and I had thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Until next time, stay well and take care 🙂

Posted in Confidence, Happiness, Life Challenges, Life is Good | Leave a comment

Angry Day

Posted on 13 November 2010 by blackandblueman

WARNING! The following post contains profanity that may offend some readers!

Tuesday, 2 November 2010.

Another day of crappy weather outside.

The document I was formatting for work was driving me nuts.

My internet kept on dropping out.

Most times when I got up out of my chair, I kept bumping into one thing after another and scolding myself for being such a clumsy oaf and having an over-cluttered apartment.

By early afternoon, I was in a constant state of fury.

The weather outside still sucked.

That goddamn document I was formatting for work was still driving me nuts.

My fucking internet still kept on dropping out.

By mid-afternoon, I was exhausted from feeling angry.

Maybe having a shower and getting outdoors would help.

I showered, and felt better.

About an hour later, which was now late afternoon, I went outside.

The day was still looking dreary, but at least it wasn’t raining.

While crossing the street at Oxford and Riley, a young woman coming the other way seemed to blatantly cross into my path with what appeared to be a smug smile upon her face. Was she being ignorant? Or was she shit-testing me? Or was I just being paranoid? Whatever the fuck was going on, I maintained course and made her move out of the way. Bitch.

About ten minutes later down at JB Hi-Fi World Square I was only mildly disappointed that neither Mad Men Season 4 or Breaking Bad Season 3 were available yet on DVD – but I was pleased to find that Season 1 of Hung, which I had long been interested in seeing, had been reduced to $30, so I grabbed a copy of that. Shortly after, though, at the counter when I went to sign for my purchase, my pen didn’t work again so I had to use theirs, and the first thing I did when I left the store was to hurl my fucking useless pen into the nearest bin because that was the last time it would fail me.

Next, as expected, shopping for a few grocery items at nearby Coles World Square was the usual nightmare of a poorly laid-out supermarket crowded with many other shoppers who mostly seemed to stupidly move about with their heads up their arses – but because that environment met expectations, I could grit my teeth and bear it.

The Coles cashier who served me was cute and pleasant, but a moment later when I checked to see why my bag of groceries felt more awkward than normal, I found that she’d made an utter mess of packing it – like pretty much every supermarket cashier that had served me for the past many years. For crying out loud! My first ever job had been as a Coles trolley-boy and one of the most valuable skills I ever got from that experience was knowing how to properly pack a bag of groceries! Don’t they fucking teach that anymore?!? I repacked my bag properly.

Outside World Square, the day was still dreary, but at least it wasn’t raining.

I was waiting at the corner of George and Liverpool for the lights to change so I could cross over – but just as the lights changed, a bus pulled up right across the crossing, which meant that we had to walk around in front of it and almost have to step out into the traffic now roaring past close by on Liverpool.

(The night before over at Bondi Junction, I was at a crossing there with right-of-way when suddenly a bus suddenly braked to a halt less than a metre away, and the driver gave us pedestrians a smug grin).

Back in the present at George and Liverpool, I walked in front of that goddamn bus, looked at the driver and screamed at him the two words I had been mostly using that day: “FUCK YOU!”

I went to Event Cinemas to purchase tickets for a friend and myself to see Made In Dagenham that evening. To my surprise, a creepy man whom I’d often seen around the city centre and whom I thought may be homeless was ahead of me in the queue…but when he got to the head of the queue, he let the couple before me and I go ahead of him while he remained standing there with a creepy-looking grin. What the fuck was he doing?!?

I bought my tickets and left the cinema, but when I checked the clock on my mobile ‘phone I was annoyed to see that there would most likely be no time to do any NaNoWriMo writing before my friend was due to arrive. Idiot! Why didn’t I leave home earlier?!?

But as I headed outside to cross George Street and go to Star Bar, where my friend and I often meet to have dinner, I told myself that enough was enough.

Yes, it had been an especially shitty day, a very frustrating Angry Day, where one thing after another kept going wrong and driving me increasingly nuts. I had been furious, then exhausted from that fury, then furious again, and starting to feel exhausted again (huzzah)

But now I was going to meet my friend, and if there is one very valuable lesson I had learned even before I began overhauling my life from mid-2007 is never burden someone else with your unasked whining (which I had done late one night in 2002 to another friend’s then-partner, and ever since that painful and selfish incident I had sworn to never do it again – and in early 2008 when I read The Satanic Bible for the first time, I found myself very much agreeing with the Second Satanic Rule of the Earth).

If my friend did ask how my day had been, I would tell him the truth – but in as few words as possible, leave it at that, and instead focus on the Now of having dinner, talking about good things and looking forward to Made In Dagenham.

So, as I entered Star Bar, I forced my anger to dissipate.

And as I approached the bar to place my order, I saw who was taking orders there and I felt even more better – because it was an attractive young woman who had been working at Star Bar for years and had always treated me with great friendliness. As I placed my order, we exchanged some pleasant conversation and made each other laugh.

So, a moment later when I joined my friend at our table, my mood had improved considerably.

And when my friend asked how my day had been, I replied with a single “Fucked!” – but then I assured him that the day was now over and behind me, and I was now here to enjoy my evening.

And I did. We had a good dinner, talked and laughed about stuff that interested us, and later enjoyed the inspiring and touching Made In Dagenham.

There will be more Angry Days, of course – but like my Black Dog Days, I’m learning how to live with them.

Until next time, stay well and take care 🙂

Posted in Anger, Life Challenges, Life Strategies, My Story | Leave a comment

50,000 words in 30 days – the joys of doing NaNoWriMo

Posted on 30 October 2010 by blackandblueman

It’s almost that time of year again – National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo for short, or NaNo for even shorter.

If you’re unfamiliar with NaNo – starting from midnight on 1 November and finishing at 11:59pm on 30 November, the objective is to write 50,000 words of prose in 30 days.

And the prize for completing NaNo? The satisfaction of writing 50,000 words of prose in 30 days.

Sound crazy? It is, indeed.

Sound pointless? It certainly is not.

True, there are much less daunting and stress-free ways to spend your November – but as I found when I completed NaNo for the first time in 2006 (and that is a story and a future blog-post in itself), writing 50,000 words of prose in 30 days is an incredible and fulfilling achievement.

Like all good challenges in life, NaNo compels you to take a flying leap out of your comfort zone, do what it takes to reach your objective, and discover new facets of yourself that can be applied to other parts of your life.

Completing NaNo for the first time in 2006 was a major milestone for me in several ways. Not only had I finally succeeded after three previous failed attempts, and not only would I grow as a writer in the years that followed, but other good fortune would also keep coming my way, including (but not limited to) the following:

  • making more friends
  • finding more enjoyable ways to spend my time
  • perhaps even getting hit on while I was writing one night in a restaurant
  • eventually meeting Chris Baty himself, the man behind NaNo

But they’re other stories for other times, and throughout November I’ll be posting about them here at Black and Blue Man. After all, I can’t spend all of my November just writing 50,000 words of prose.

If you’re intrigued about trying NaNo for the first time, head on over to the site and learn all about it – and if you’re an old NaNo-hand doing it again, all the best!

Until next time, stay well and take care 🙂

Posted in Hope, Inspiration, Life Challenges, Life Strategies, My Story | 2 Comments

ZAMM then and now

Posted on 24 October 2010 by blackandblueman

Earlier this year, I began reading Robert M. Pirsig’s classic 1974 book Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance (ZAMM) – but as of this writing, I’m still only halfway through and I haven’t picked it up for months.

Why? Because I had a love-and-hate relation ship with ZAMM. Some of it is very beautiful in its simple elegance, but some of it is also dense and impenetrable (to me, anyway).

Still, like my experience with Eckhart Tolle’s The Power Of Now, what I liked about ZAMM has stayed with me ever since. For one thing, I very much agree with what Pirsig had to say about quality, and how rational and romantic approaches to life can and should co-exist.

For another thing, I enjoyed the moments when Pirsig described his journey and working on his motorcycle – they were very enchanting.

Recently, I was in my favourite local secondhand bookstore when I spotted a hardcover copy of a book I was previously unaware of – Mark Richardson’s Zen and Now: On the Trail of Robert Pirsig and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. A quick read of the inner-flap later, Zen and Now became a purchase.

And during the next few days I became utterly absorbed by Zen and Now, in which Richardson wrote about several things together – his 2008 ‘Pirsig Pilgrim’ road trip that followed the original route; a look at Pirsig’s eventful, tumultuous and at times very sad life; and what Richardson got out of his trip and how it made him review his own life at the time. Altogether, that fascinating material and Richardson’s pleasant style made for one of my most fondly-remembered reads this year.

I also got several valuable things out of Zen and Now.

Firstly, Richardson’s account of Pirsig’s life has given me a great admiration and respect for the story behind and beyond ZAMM, and makes me want to go back to it – and when I do, perhaps those dense and impenetrable parts will be easier to understand.

Secondly, Richardson’s own journey was very inspiring. On the rational side, it was a great undertaking that relied on both preparation and spontaneity, and it was very interesting to see how Richardson handled the varied aspects of his ride. On the romantic side, it gave Richardson time to think about and resolve some issues in his life, and his favourite moment of the trip gave him an especially powerful moment of reflection.

Finally, Zen and Now brought back several memories of the brief period many years ago when I was a motorcyclist. As Richardson says at one point, an interest in motorcycles never leaves you, and although I haven’t ridden in almost 20 years I still have a fondness for bikes to this day. A moment in Zen and Now that was especially vivid was when Richardson described in great detail changing the oil on his bike – that took me right back to the first time I did the same for mine.

If you’re either familiar, unfamiliar or (as I am) half-familiar with ZAMM, Zen and Now comes highly recommended as both a companion and a guide. As well, it’s a wonderful book in its own right about a man’s journey and what he discovers at its end.

Until next time, stay well and take care 🙂

Related resources:

Posted in Inspiration, Reading | 1 Comment

Subway jammin’

Posted on 17 October 2010 by blackandblueman

You may already be familiar with the above – but if not, here’s the story in brief.

Recently, the Brooklyn-based buzz band Atomic Tom suffered the theft of all their musical instruments. Despite that shitty setback, however, they’ve been highly creative and innovative by turning their iPhones into replacement instruments and displaying their skills live on the subway – and this has also given a boost to their career.

Seeing the above video for the first time early this afternoon made me smile for two reasons.

Firstly, the video is simply great fun, It’s showing four musicians playing together in a unique way to an audience that appreciates them.

Secondly, like local sensation Guitar Samurai, I greatly admire Atomic Tom for what they’ve done. Although their tools of trade have been stolen – and I hope that in some way, justice will be done – they’ve bounced back by not only crafting an interesting new way to play music, but also playing publicly in an environment where you normally wouldn’t think of a band jamming together.

And best of all, as mentioned above, it’s not only helped them to survive but also thrive.

Until next time, stay well and take care 🙂

Posted in Confidence, Gratitude, Happiness, Resilience | Leave a comment

Confidence and first-aid recertification

Posted on 16 October 2010 by blackandblueman

Hundreds of years ago back in late 1997, my then employer invited staff to gain first-aid certification with St John Ambulance Australia. I decided to give it a go – partly to gain some useful knowledge, and partly because I thought it may give myself some much-needed confidence.

Fortunately, I passed the two-day course and got my certificate, although my level of confidence remained the same (ie: zero). Instead, I had given my then worry-wart self a new fear – having to give someone first aid and something going disastrously wrong.

Time passed. I was outsourced to a new employer. Every three years, I recertified my first-aid skills. There were a few very minor incidents at work where I was needed, but even then all I did was (a) check that colleagues who had already attended to themselves were okay and (b) record details about what had happened.

Several times over the years, instructors told us that apart from knowing how to help someone in danger, the best thing we could hope for was to never find ourselves in situations where first aid was needed. I found that mindset very reassuring indeed.

And then, almost 13 years after I first learned about first aid, I finally applied my training as detailed in this previous entry – and my late-1997 self would have been surprised and most of all relieved that I did something and kept my head.

Last weekend, I had to recertify again, and so off I went to another one-day course.

Admittedly, part of me wasn’t looking forward to it for two main reasons. Firstly, by St John’s own admission and from my own previous experience, the one-day recertification courses are quite draining and intense – and there would have been other things I would have much preferred to do that Saturday, which is usually my Sabbath.

Secondly, although my self-consciousness is nowhere near as bad as it used to be, there was still the uncomfortable prospect of having to do practical exercises with strangers, and especially with attractive female strangers.

Despite those misgivings, however, I went along.

And by day’s end, thanks to how my life has changed during the past few years, I had surprised myself again.

Firstly, although it was an intense day of training and I was exhausted at the end, I had approached it with a much better mindset than before. Thanks once again to what I had read of Eckhart Tolle’s The Power Of Now, I told myself that there was no point sitting in class all day and waiting for it to hurry up and finish, already – instead, focus on being there at each moment, and don’t think about anything else. So, I did – and as a result, the day went by very fast and satisfyingly.

Secondly, I was still initially reluctant about having to do practical exercises, and noticing that a couple of very attractive women were sitting near me didn’t help, either…but instead of succumbing to those fears, I decided to confront them. And I did – I cracked jokes, often took the lead in group exercises, and demonstrated that I was relaxed and reliable. As a result, I felt much better.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, the Yarra incident had given me something invaluable for completing the training – experience.

This manifested in several ways:

  • As I mentioned in my account of the Yarra incident, I took away from it a greater appreciation of my first-aid training; therefore, coupled with my Power of Now approach described above, being there at the course was much less of a drag that it had been in years past
  • When our instructor described what to do in case a casualty has a fit or seizure, it was remarkable to sit there and recall that I had experienced something similar only weeks before – and that at the time, my training had kicked in like second nature and I had done something instead of nothing
  • During the practical exercises, I was calm and relaxed with myself and colleagues about completing tasks; no, I wasn’t blasé about not getting minor things completely right, like wrapping bandages an exact way– but if I didn’t get it right the first time I would try again, and if I still didn’t get it right I would come up with an alternative that did work; I also shared this notion with some of my colleagues when they found themselves in similar situations, and they seemed to appreciate it

So in the end, thanks again to what I’ve learnt and experienced during the past few years, spending a Saturday doing first-aid recertification wasn’t so bad after all.

Until next time, stay well and take care 🙂

Posted in Confidence, My Story | Leave a comment

Zen and the art of model-railroading

Posted on 8 October 2010 by blackandblueman

Ross Balderson’s award-winning N-gauge layout of 1958 Sydney Central Station (click to enlarge)

I can’t remember what started it all, but during 1999-2000 I became very interested in model-railroading. I didn’t get around to doing any modeling myself, and for various reasons I went on the other things, but for a few months back then I regularly bought copies of magazines like Model Railroader and went to several exhibitions within and without Sydney.

I especially liked going to exhibitions – and partly because I traveled by train to most of them. Apart from walking, trains are my favourite mode of transport – they’re very relaxing and there’s always something to see going past.

Watching model trains going around is also very calming.

And many of the finely-detailed layouts are masterpieces to behold.

Recently, a Facebook friend posted a flier for The 48th Sydney Model Railway Exhibition in Liverpool, on the south-west edge of Sydney. Seeing that flier prompted a lot of pleasant memories, and recently I’d been spending too much time alone at home, so I decided to go and invited a friend.

The exhibition was great fun. My friend and I spent about two hours checking out everything there, from award-winning layouts like Ross Balderson’s N-gauge 1958 Sydney Central Station (pictured above), to a large diorama constructed out of Lego that included a Stargate with a returning SG-team, to reprints of old technical manuals for sale (I didn’t buy any, but for a technical writer like myself it was very interesting to see the styles of manuals past).

But not only did I rediscover the pleasures of visiting exhibitions, the experiences of the past few years living with depression also gave me new ways to appreciate model-railroading.

Firstly, I’ve already mentioned how watching model trains go around is very peaceful and relaxing, and now I enjoy that serenity even more.

Secondly, I now have a greater appreciation of the joys of constructing dioramas – the patience they both demand and provide, the focus they require, the wide array of craftsmanship and skills they encourage, and the overall joy they give from using your hands to create something out of nothing. Indeed, that reinforces two of the major themes of Robert M. Pirsig’s classic book Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance – the importance of quality, and always doing the best work that you can.

Finally, there’s the social aspect. I enjoyed the atmosphere of the exhibition, with like-minded folks of all ages coming together to share a common love – but not only has it encouraged me to look into model-railroading again, it has also highlighted the advantages and importance of getting involved with others.

As I went around the exhibition, I picked up any flier that announced upcoming exhibitions and invitations to attend meetings and open days held by the various clubs. That night when I got home, I went online to research how to get to them – and, yes, most of them can be easily reached by train.

I’m already looking forward to going to the next exhibition 🙂

Before I end this post, another word about Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance. Just before I went to the exhibition, I enjoyed reading a recent book about Pirsig’s classic that also provoked a lot of thought – and that experience may be the subject of my next post.

Until then, stay well and take care 🙂

Posted in Happiness, Life Strategies, My Story | Leave a comment